Friday, September 10, 2010

Bring On The Bitches!

I'm ready...I think. Honestly I think one bitch in this house is enough right now but I know in the near future I will be taking a back seat to some new bitches that will take over my life. NO...I'm not pregnant! Jeez, if I were do you think I would be referring to my offspring as bitches? Yeah, you're right, I probably would. These are actual bitches, and I feel that they will be here very soon:


Ever since our dog died a couple of years ago the pitter patter of little paws has been on my husband's mind. At the time my youngest was only a few months old and my oldest had just turned two. I was quite content with the pitter patter mind blowing racket that my kids created for me on a daily basis. Of course I missed her, she was in many ways like my first baby. She may have also served as a type of birth control because she proved that I was definitely not ready to take care of a baby. We got her when she was 6 weeks old. I've often said that God makes kids cute for a reason and I believe the same goes for puppies. She was a royal pain in the ass. She whined all night, chewed everything she could get her paws on, and crapped all over the house (usually minutes after I had just taken her outside). But who could resist this face?


We discussed getting another dog but I was reluctant. I mean, can you blame me? I was already dealing with a little "critter" that was destroying everything I owned, whining all night, and occasionally crapping on the floor. That's right, I said on the floor. There is nothing worse than a two year that figures out how to remove his diaper and is not potty trained yet. I really didn't need anything additional to care for. Plus how was I going to train a dog when I couldn't be sure whether it was the one who was using my home as a toilet or if it was my child.

Finally I agreed that we could get a dog when my youngest turned five. Not sure why I chose that milestone but in hindsight I probably should have said ten because he turned five in June. I'm also convinced that I was severely sleep deprived, or possibly drugged, when I agreed that we could get two dogs...at the same time. What the hell was I thinking? Sure! I know one puppy is a lot of work, but why don't we throw in another one and double the work load... I don't do anything all day anyway. Ugh. Plus, no matter what anyone in this house has to say about how much they are going to help take care of the puppies, I know it's a bunch of bull. It may start off that way, but ultimately these two fur balls will be my responsibility. I wondered if my husband may have forgotten my drug induced agreement but it turns out that he didn't. Since June he has been all over the Internet looking for two chocolate lab puppies.

I have to admit that deep down I may want this just as much as he does. As the kids have gotten older their constant pleas for help have been replaced with "It's OK mom, I can do it myself". I find myself missing being needed. I never would have believed that it was possible, but it's true. I miss holding my little babies while they sleep in my arms and kissing there chubby cheeks. I miss tiny little hands reaching for mine while we take a walk. Now my attempts for affection are embarrassing for them. When I try to kiss and hug them they squirm and whine "Maaaa! Stop it!"

We haven't told the kids about our pending new additions to the family yet. It's almost as if they know though because my youngest has now turned into a "pet" for my oldest. He spends most of his days pretending that he is a cat. By the way, I hate cats. I'm surprised that female cats are not called bitches because they can be pretty moody. Anyhoo, he crawls around on all fours meowing and purring. The other day I found him lapping up a bowl of milk off the floor that my oldest had prepared for him. Thankfully, they haven't decided to set up a litter box or anything for him because I'm convinced that he would would use it.

So bring on the puppy breath, the wet little puppy noses, and the pee stained carpets. I'm in need of being needed...I think.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your "bitches"! We just lost our two loves over the summmer so I am not ready yet but I do believe that a home is not complete without the pitter patter of doggy feet :) <3

Jon said...

Well heres my 2 cents Stacy...All I can say is YOUR OUT OF YOUR FRIGAN MIND!!!
Trust me when I tell you, your having the same problem I ran into exactly this time 1 year ago and that is that your heart is way bigger than your brain. Madi was driving us nuts for a dog. Not being able to take Cody with us when we moved was haunting her. One night she was actually in tears as I put her to bed. Had I not already knew we were getting her a dog for Christmas those tears would have sent me running at 9:00 at night to find the nearest puppy I could get.
So Christmas morning came and went off as I had expected. I felt great I was able to make my daughters wish come true on Christmas morning. The reaction was just as I hoped and the house was full of love with our new puppy...
Here we are only 10 months later and I have said on more than one occasion. (actually daily) what the fuck was I thinking!!!!
I hate that fucking dog! He stinks, he's a pain in the ass. He costs money I dont have etc..
Granted he is truley a handsome bastard and not really bad for a puppy, I just dont think we were ready. I regret it everyday! Now that we have it, theres no way he's going any where! Im stuck with my bad decision. If it were just the 2 of us and things werent working out, you could find a new home, but not with 2 kids in the house!
The aggrivation and heartbreak that would result in getting rid of him would be worse than actually just dealing with the dogs bullshit. So now Im just fucked.
The only advice I can give you is, dont think about getting a puppy because thats too easy, there is too many cute reasons to get a puppy...think about getting a DOG. A full grown, pain in the ass DOG!
Nevermind 2 full grown, hyper, stinky pain in the ass dogs!
The puppy thing always is a great selling point, but just like we joke about with our own kids, what seemed like such a good idea, will follow with many days of "Am I out of my fucking mind?" "I should really be wearing a helmet!"
I hope I didnt scare you too much, but I wish someone had said this to me a year ago. If you would like to see what a day in a life would be for you, I would be more than happy to let you have Jax for a few days... Lol!
Good luck!