Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Easy Button Is Broken

It may just need new batteries. Or, it's more likely that my kids simply removed the batteries and put them in one of their toys. It is also quite possible that I have completely worn the thing out. If that is the case, I believe the burn out was caused by the number of times I used it in my early twenties. Life sure was easy then. It's funny though, I don't ever remember using it then. Maybe it was in my trunk with something set on top of it, pressing it constantly. There are times during the day when I throw out a prayer that my kids have easy buttons that I could just "borrow" while mine is not working but, so far no luck. As a matter of fact, I think maybe they are using mine and wearing it out on me. Whatever the case may be, it definitely does not seem to be working at the present time.

Here is an example of how something seemed easy, but turned out to be very difficult.The other day I decided I would take the dog for a walk. Perhaps my misstep came in verbalizing what I was thinking of doing.

"Can I come Mommy?"
"I want to come too"
Umm, OK, sure...
"Yeah, we'll both come with you...and we can ride our scooters"
Hold up...the Easy is rapidly exiting from my original plan.

Well, alright then, lets take this traveling circus on the road.

As I stepped outside I realized that Mother Nature was going to rip the easy out of this also, by claiming to be 'Spring' and actually being a cold bitch. Obviously, I didn't verbalize that...I just like to swear here. My kids are not fluent readers yet...plus, they would never think that anything their Mom was writing is something they would want to read.

I told the boys I needed to run back in and grab some gloves. I may have left out some additional information, or instructions like "Stay right there, don't move, I'm going to take two seconds I know exactly where they are", but I figured it would take just as long for me to say that as it would to get my gloves. It was enough time for them, apparently, to take off. I walked out the door and they were gone. My heart fell into my stomach and instantly scenes of them being abducted ran through my mind. Not because I feared that would happen in my neighborhood at all, but because of how quickly they disappeared.
I started running in the direction I guessed they may have headed and quickly realized I was right. I relaxed a bit and mentally scolded myself for a second.
You HAD to go straight to an abduction, didn't you?
What?! It happens!
As I got closer to them I noticed my five year old going into a neighbor's driveway. No big deal. I started to pick up my pace to catch up with them. When I got to the corner a car came to the intersection heading toward the driveway he had just gone up, and stopped.
"Stay there" I yelled
Just as the car started moving again my five year turned around and started flying down the driveway.
What the hell!!
Thank goodness, the driver saw him and stopped well before getting near him. Meanwhile, here he comes with a huge smile on his face having a great time, oblivious to the car even being there. I love that my street has hardly any traffic, but it's a moment like that when you realize it could be a bad thing....Or...that you are going to have to remind them every single day that they need to watch for cars.
As he got closer to me I was trying to keep my cool and told him for the 23,764th time that he needs to watch for cars. He just smiled his biggest smile back and said "Wow, did you see that mommy? That was fun!"
"Yep, it was a blast"
Then...I knew it was coming and started to cringe.
I was about to be on the receiving end of a verbal assault, from no doubt a mother herself, as she was driving carefully down a street that tends to have lots of kids around.
"Is that your son?"
I'm ashamed to admit that for a brief second I thought... what would happen if I say no?
I would have an opportunity to gain some advice from a veteran. We could talk about this child's mother and what rookie mistake she was making. Yeah, that's it.
Crap. He called me out already.
"Yes...he's mine"
"Your lucky I was going slow. He went right in front of my car"
"Yes, I appreciate your driving slowly in this area. Sometimes the kids don't pay attention"
What I decided to keep to myself was: 'Certainly, you can't believe that as I was getting ready to leave the house to walk and I said "Hey guys, do mommy a favor...when I go inside, take off while I'm not looking, and ride your scooters in front of any cars that may come down the street". I assure you this wasn't the conversation that took place. As a matter of fact I have now realized how much instruction I left out in speaking with them. I apologize. They make terrible decisions sometimes. By the way, my plan was to walk the dog. My parenting mishaps today were a) saying I wanted to go for a walk and b) having cold hands. I didn't want to say no to them, but it would have been much easier if I was just walking the dog. What?! Why am I crying?! I don't know!!'
I'm glad I kept this as my internal dialog. I think she may have noticed the distressed look on my face because her look softened. She even smiled and said "I know how it is...It's not easy"
Ain't that the truth.
It's possible that I used up all of my easy when I was a child. No doubt my mother played a huge roll in making things easy for me when I was young (Hey, maybe SHE was using my easy button. That's fine, I'm sure she needed it, I'll let it slide)
Maybe life isn't meant to be easy. Maybe the hard things in life are what make it worth while. Hey, now that I think of it, I believe we were discussing that at "Girls Night Out" the other night. OR, maybe that was a reference to somethings else... never mind, I'll save that for my next blog.


Jenn said...

I can tell we're related since my Easy button hasn't been working for quite a while. A week or so ago I had Jury Duty and got out early. Yay, right? Wrong. On my way home I blew my breakline. Instead of pulling over and having Ray come pick me up and b*tch about how I broke something...I was determined to make it home (no kids in the car). STUPID move but I did make it home very sweaty but ALIVE Thank God! Only then did I call Ray to tell him what happend...he then informed me that I'm a double idiot because now break fluid was leaking all over my new driveway. Ugh.. I go out let my van roll up onto the lawn and hose down my driveway. Great all set easy right?? Nope don't you know It got REALLY that night and our basketball net fell over onto my van that was parked on the damn lawn. That was my fault too since I should have KNOWN our new net wasn't weighted down. WTH?!? All I wanted to do was go home! Instead I ended up with no breaks,a huge dent in my hood, A very angry husband...not to mention the loss of my sanity. Where the hell is MY easy button???

Kelley said...

That sounds like my life EVERY DAY. For real! I have two boys, too, and they are ALWAYS darting off or doing this or that. It's a circus all the time. You are not alone! Ha!