Friday, May 21, 2010

You Just Got Served

People in the service industry are probably on the fast track to sainthood. Especially waiters and waitresses. These people put up with unbelievable amounts of crap and ignorance from the general public without the ability to tell them off. It should be mandatory that people who frequent restaurants have to wait on a table at least once, just to see how not to treat their servers. Since the birth of the phrase "the customer is always right" people with jerk-like tendencies have had the ability to bloom into full blown assholes.

We don't go out to eat much. When we do it's to places that have crayons for the elaborate mazes and puzzles on the place mats, and that include ice cream with the kid's meals so I can bribe them reward them for eating. If I do go out with just my husband, I find myself fighting the urge to order for him, cut his steak into tiny pieces, and applauding when he finishes all his food. Whenever we are out I always hear people being so rude to their waiter or waitress. I heard one woman tell her waitress "Every time we come here the food is terrible". Really? I wanted her to reply with something like "Oh, so you didn't feel like cooking tonight and decided to come to a place that has food you don't like? Don't let the door hit you on your lazy ass on the way out". Instead she had to apologize to this miserable bitch for no reason. Then there are those people who don't like the way the food is cooked and flip out on their servers for it. They don't cook the food jerk off, they just bring it to you.

I think it should be a requirement that these people watch the movie "Waiting". I guarantee that they will change their tune when they see why one line in that movie is good to take note of; "Don't fuck with the people that handle your food". Maybe the visual of their steak being repeatedly dropped on the floor, or someone having inappropriate relations with their garlic bread, will aide them in not being a total tool to their server.

I actually caused a waiter to inadvertently suffer the whining and moaning of a patron due to the behavior of my four year old son. I brought him out for lunch, and the hostess sat us right near an elderly couple. He was actually pretty well behaved. Sure, he was a little antsy while we were waiting for our food. He bounced around in his seat a little. He talked rather loudly. He went under the table a couple of times (once he emerged chewing gum; guess where he got it and insert dry heave here). Occasionally he would peek behind him over at the couple in the next both. Apparently this was completely inappropriate for an establishment that has menus that resemble PlayStation controllers. I'm not ageist or anything but this old bird was clearly of the grumpier variety. The woman started snickering and staring at me. She was saying things like "People don't know how to control their kids" and "Our kids never acted that way". Yeah, maybe because you were allowed to beat them with belts and wooden paddles. She's lucky I respect my elders because I was seconds away from getting up...hand and head waving yelling "You got somethin to say to me?"
When her waiter came she started demanding that he move them, and their food, to another table. She didn't want to say why, and the manager got involved thinking it had to do with their server. Luckily for me, they didn't move very far...and... my son has no filter. He must have sensed that I was having some ill feeling toward the couple because almost as if on cue he said (well practically yelled) "Wow mom, that lady is REALLY FAT!", while pointing at the woman. It took everything I had not to laugh. I usually reprimand him for such an act, but instead I whipped out the ice cream menu and let him have his pick; he deserved it.

I need a place to dine that caters to families, but it isn't just about the kids. It would be a cross between Chuck E Cheese and Hooters (minus only hot female severs; the mommies like a little eye candy too). The menu would cover everything from shrimp, and filet to a hot dog shaped like an octopus. Each table would have a waiter and a waitress; the waitresses will "cater" to the daddies, acting as if, had they been single, they would have a chance; and the waiters would come to collect the dishes and say things like "let me take those for you...I love to wash dishes. I also enjoy doing the laundry and vacuuming". A girl can dream, right? If he asked me if I needed anything else I would say "Yeah, why don't you come home with us, get the kids ready for bed, and read them a book. Oh, and don't let them near our room...I'm going to play a game with their daddy" What?...That's not out of line...the customer is always right!

10 comments:

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I have never been a server and I still don't act like a jerk, so people have no excuse. Some people are just asses and love to push people around. I have an aunt who was ALWAYS nasty to servers, it was so embarrassing. Needless to say nobody dines out with her anymore!

Anonymous said...

amen...i was a waitress for 20 something years and you dont know how many people i had to listen to complain about the stupidest things....an put a smile on my face and say how sorry i was....or complain about how the food was cooked, when i had absoulty nothing to do with the preparing or cooking of their order!!!!!

PartlySunny said...

I love the bit about the woman who said the food is always terrible. That exemplifies the definition of crazy (doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome). Anyway, we were in a Mexican restaurant once with a woman whose rant went something like this, "What's up with this place? Don't you people have anything, like, just a hamburger or something?" Funny thing is that I've seen burgers on Mexican restaurant menus since then. Maybe it's for those jerks.

And, yes, nice blog design. We must've hired the same guy:).

Shelly Belly's Boutique said...

uggg...I've heard stories from people who worked in the industry..not good, I would not f@ck w/them..lol

Christy said...

:) That made me smile! We don't go out to eat too often either (at least to the nicer places) for this reason. And when we forget why and then DO go, we remember real fast but by then Tyler is already slinging ketchup across the room! So glad we're not uptight and cranky like the lady in your post!

Christy said...

I enjoyed this article so much that I linked you up in my link list this morning, have a great day!

S Farrell said...

Thanks Christy :)

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

You are so right. I always am courteous to waitstaff, I couldn't manage that job. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a place where they sat your kids at a separate "kid" table next to you and one server catered to and dealt with them while a "grown up" server made you feel like, well a grown up?

Kelley said...

Ha! I loved this post! Many times I skim paragraphs when reading blogs, it seems, but I have to read every word you write! I think you should have inserted a dry heave after that hot dog shaped octopus line! Get to creating that restaurant, but leave that hot dog off the menu. :)

Natalie said...

We don't even try taking the kids out. It's so not enjoyable for us right now. But I would never be rude to anybody and wouldn't expect that from anybody else!! People really don't think about what/how they say things sounds like to others. Sheesh!