An Evening With The Ladies

I was going to use Girls Night Out 2, but that seemed a little lame. Besides, it's really not a sequel. The word "girl" to me indicates a child, or at the very minimum a much younger me. An Evening With The Ladies makes it sound a bit more refined...like we are classy broads, ya know? I should really just call it what it is...Moms Night Out . The rare occurrence of spending time with people who will not require cleaning, feeding, or refereeing. Although... that isn't necessarily a true statement, as I am pretty sure I have done all of these at some point when out with ladies.

Let me start with a little upfront information for the men out there. When a woman wants to spend a night out with her friends, please don't take it personally. It's not because she doesn't want to spend time with you, or that she's going out on the prowl looking for another man. It's just that there is something about being around girlfriends that revitalizes us. We need that time to just be ourselves and talk about whatever is on our minds. Believe me, you should be happy that we do not want to discuss most of these topics with you. For example, I know just as much about my friends "lady parts" as their gynecologists. Frequently used terms in our discussions include; uterus, discharge, menstrual cycle, and spotting. I could be wrong, but I'm guessing these are not things you would like to talk about, so that said...you're welcome.

Aside from all the gyno talk, we also discuss our kids at great lengths. We talk about our kids a lot anyway, but lately the discussion seems to be almost exclusively about them. We talk about sickness, including types of cough, such as dry, hacking, or productive. We discuss rashes as if we are pediatricians asking each other questions like "Did it start on the trunk and then move to his extremities?", and "Did it look like spots under the skin, or raised, fluid filled, bumps on the skin?" Then there is the riveting talk about mucus and which colors are good and which ones require medical attention. I promise guys, you're not missing out on much.

The most recent night I had out with the girls had a few elements that stuck out to me. First, we actually carpooled. That's right. We all fit in a vehicle together. Not because it was a small group, but because one of us had a vehicle that was big enough to accommodate us all.

Also, in anticipation of this event, I actually put myself through a training of sorts. In order to prepare for the hours of dancing I rode a stationary bike everyday the week leading up to our big night out. I had to build up some stamina. I didn't want to be embarrassed from becoming winded after dancing to two songs, or from clutching the back of my thigh screaming "I'm cramping!"

Next, was the fact that I did not bring a purse. I believe this is due to the fact that my kids are getting older and I don't feel the need to be overly prepared for everything. Plus, some of my friends still do have very small children. This translates to them having enormous purses which are more than capable of handling the few items I would like to take with me.

Also noticeably absent was the one lady that may have overindulged a bit too much. Either that or we have just become professionals at getting our drink on. No more holding someones hair while they puke, or dragging them off the dance floor because they are making a spectacle of themselves. If you were to look up the term "cock block" in the urban dictionary you would see that it gives a perfect description of the role of an inebriated woman's girlfriends. Gone are the days of having to form a virtual "shield" around a drunk friend on the dance floor to prevent her from falling victim to the guy that combs the bar looking for easy prey. Friends don't let friends get dry humped.

We've also become quite skilled at the art of avoiding a hangover. The key ingredients include a hearty helping of greasy food on the way home, a full glass of water, and two aspirin. Sunday morning we are up, dressed, the kids are fed, and we are on our way to church. We are practically professionals at this.

So ladies, if it's been a while since you've gotten together with your lady pals, what are you waiting for? It's a necessity. Plan something soon, it's good for the soul. Plus, don't forget to invite me...Of course my only motive is to gather material for my blog. Yeah, that's it. I like to think of myself as an investigative journalist...

Girls Night Out

Girls night out hardly happens for me and my friends anymore. There was a time when we would go out for any reason; a birthday, a new job; because someone found out they weren’t pregnant or maybe just because it was Saturday. Now we never can go out because of; birthdays (our own children’s), a new job, or because someone is pregnant. We all seem to have reproduced at an alarming rate. It’s not like we don’t want to go out anymore. We usually try, and by that I mean we go back and forth trying to pin down a date that will work for all of us to no avail. I’m tempted to try and befriend someone that is getting married, just so I can attend a Bachelorette party.

When the girls get together I tend to plan for it as if I am attending a wedding. I feel the need to buy a new outfit, sometimes with matching jewelry. I make my yearly appointment with my hairdresser to have everything cut and waxed. My husband gets suspicious about my intentions when I prep for hours on the big night. Don’t worry honey...I’m not going out to impress other men. It’s a well known fact that women dress up for other women. It may have something to do with all the compliments that women get from each other after all their hard work. The great thing about complimenting women is that you can find out not only where they got the item you are complimenting them on, but also how much they paid for it. "I love your shoes" is followed by "Thanks, I got them on sale at Macy’s for $15".

I used to be able to go out for girls night with not much more than lipstick, my license, and a few bucks that I would just stick in my pocket. Now when I go out I practically need a suitcase. I have to travel with all of my makeup. Basically it’s because if I dance, even to one song, I sweat like a whore in church (my apologies if I’ve offended any religious prostitutes that may have stumbled upon this post). I frequently have to reapply all of my makeup and fix the eyeliner that has melted down my face. Also, for that reason I now have to travel with deodorant. I still bring my license, but not out of necessity. It’s just in case a sweet bartender may be looking for additional tips by carding me. I definitely have to bring more money now. Gone are the days of drinking for free just by wearing a low cut shirt. Occasionally someone will ask me now if they can buy me a drink, but they usually come on with a line that sounds like Joey from Friends…"How you doin?". My immediate thought is..."I would love for you to buy me a drink, but what are the odds that once you do you will just walk away as if you hadn’t?" Probably not likely, so no thanks. In addition to all these new items I also have to bring; gum, perfume, hair spray, a brush, lotion, Pepto Bismal, aspirin, and Band-Aids. Being a mom makes me prepared for any situation.

Going out with my friends is like going to see a therapist. We talk about everything from current events, to our kids and husbands. We laugh until we cry, and there is usually one of us that just ends up crying. The one that cries is usually to one that begins the night by saying "Wow, I think I have a buzz already...I haven’t drank in a while", after their first drink. You know the crying is coming when they say..."You know, I love you guys". My friends are pretty entertaining too. One in particular tends to find any type of pole in the establishment we go to and use it as her dance partner for the evening. It really never gets old, and it tends to be the highlight of the night.

Throughout the years, girls night out has definitely changed. Although we can still party like rock stars, the recovery time needed after such an event isn’t really worth it. Sleeping away the entire next day isn’t an option anymore. It sucks to have a hangover, but even more so when you open your eyes with that hangover and the first thing you hear is "Mommy, I’m hungry...I need a drink...Why do you have all that black stuff under your eyes?".

Oh well, so when are we going out ladies?!?